June 23, 2024
“The strongest relationships are not always the ones that show no struggles, but the ones that grow through them.”
– Author unknown
When someone we love dies, there is so much shock and sadness that we can’t completely assess what has happened. For months, we may be overwhelmed by conflicting emotions. We will be devastated, and sometimes we may feel relief if the last months, or years, were accompanied by debilitating illness.
Another dimension of our grief centers on our understanding of love. Yes, love can give us profound joy, but love can also be a sacrifice. And love that requires sacrifice is never easy.
In our society, when love becomes a burden, people often walk away from it. Others may question their commitment to love because what they experience isn’t the “true love” that our culture depicts.
However, the truth is that true love often hurts and can even leave us wondering whether we made the right decision. If these uncertainties existed in life, they will also exist after someone’s death. This is to be expected.
Ask anyone who has had a long marriage what their so-called secret to success was, and you can be sure it wasn’t they were smitten by love at first sight and that overwhelming infatuation never left them.
More likely, they stuck to the path no matter where it took them. In our grief, it’s important to be honest about your relationship. There were good times and there were not-so-good times because, despite what popular music and entertainment may tell you, no relationship is perfect. So be honest about it when someone you love dies because pretending you didn’t have troubles or challenges will only distract you on your healing journey.
You may feel guilty that your love wasn’t perfect. But don’t pretend that it was perfect. It was real. And nothing that is real is ever perfect.
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