The Healing Journey

November 23, 2025

A family celebration for family members who passed

By Patricia Martin

We all deal with grief in our own way, in ways that have the most meaning to us.

James was the last remaining member of his immediate family. He was one of five kids—the second oldest, with an “Irish Twin,” Trish, who was older. Then, there were two younger brothers and a sister. With his parents, they had a custom of celebrating their close-knit family and made custom T-shirts that proclaimed, “The Magnificent Seven.” And every year they got together at a restaurant or amusement park.

But then, the losses came. Trish died in her 40s, and then their parents. And over the years, the others one by one. A younger brother and sister passed away within a month of each other from cancer.

James was due to get married, and his fiancée suggested a simple ceremony at home, with his last remaining sibling brother Tim, who was ill, as best man, and her sister as best woman, via FaceTime. Tim cried because he’d never been a best man before, and a friend held up a cellphone so he could see the ceremony. Within a week, he had passed.

Throughout the years, the family observed their “Magnificent Seven” gatherings, although the numbers dwindled until James was the only one left after Tim passed. But that didn’t deter him from carrying on the tradition. Last year, he and his wife held a dinner at a restaurant in a private party room.

She recalls: “He made 8 x 10 photos of each family member, propped them up on an easel, in order of their age, and then proceeded to order their favorite drinks and place them in front of each photo.”

“James got in the middle (which is where he landed age wise) with his red wine, and I told him ‘Lift up your arms and hug your family,’ which he did.”

“When the drinks came, he addressed each family member as if they were sitting there: ‘Mommy will have a whiskey sour, Daddy will have a Miller High Life, Amy will have a cup of tea…’”

He later wrote about the event in his annual family holiday newsletter for the cousins, as if his family members were still alive.

“I realize it was his way of honoring his family,” his wife said. “My heart goes out to him. It was his way of grieving, and I honor that.”

(Writer Patricia Martin lives in upstate Connecticut. Her prose and poetry have appeared in many publications, and she is author of “The Right Side of Forty: Celebrating Timeless Women.”)

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