The Healing Journey

September 28, 2025

The following is an excerpt from a column titled “Mourn With Those Who Mourn: How to Support a Grieving Friend,” which was written by Bridget McCartney Nohara for the National Catholic Register Daily Update.

“It wasn’t until my own encounter with traumatic loss that I realized the power of presence in these moments and how deeply necessary it is to feel human support. On the flip side, I experienced the ache of when friends or family withheld support because of their own discomfort.

It was also in my darkest hour that I realized, contrary to what one might think, how uncomplicated comforting words could be. As such, I’ve put together a list of simple phrases that people said to my husband and me that meant the most, in hopes that it will help you as you navigate the difficult space of loving someone through grief.

Whether sent by a text, written in a card or spoken in person, each phrase felt deeply empathetic and granted us moments of respite in our heartbreak.

“I am uniting my suffering to yours.”

One of the most stunning realities of our faith is redemptive suffering. In some seasons of life, it may, in fact, be one’s only comfort.

There may be days, months or years of life that are heavily burdened with sorrow and the cross seems particularly weighty. If you have a friend who seems to be in that place, it can be extremely difficult to know how to be present, especially if you do not feel like you are in a similar season.

When I’ve been in seasons of suffering, I’ve greatly appreciated the notion that my own suffering is not for naught, and I’ve been even more grateful to know that friends and family are accompanying me in sorrow.

Grief is many things, but one thing it can be consistently is isolating. Telling a friend that you’re uniting your suffering to theirs is a reminder that we are all on the journey together. Perhaps your suffering is not the same (of course, it’s not), but you are still suffering, and you’re carrying your own cross next to theirs.

While we might be afraid to say the wrong thing to a grieving friend, from my experience, it is far more concerning to say absolutely nothing. Depending on the situation, there may be more or less appropriate ways of expressing your condolences, but when in doubt, make sure to make contact. This is how we, the Church Militant, come together as we forge onward — to heaven.”
©Bridget McCartney Nohara

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