June 1, 2023
“Children are often the forgotten grievers.”
– David Kessler
There’s a family dynamic that goes into play with the death of a loved one. Very often because of the continuing responsibilities of parenthood, you may have to subordinate your own emotional needs because your children need you. That doesn’t mean you can ignore the inner turmoil following your loss. You may put your head on the pillow and try to get a good night’s sleep, but even if you do, your grief will still be waiting for you the next day when you wake up.
As a grieving parent there will be other crises that you’ll have to deal with — a childhood illness, problems with your son or daughter at school, bullying, anxiety, any number of disturbances that can erupt day to day in your family. And most of all, their unnamed grief.
Regardless of all these concerns and preoccupations, grief doesn’t go away. The commonplace distractions may conceal it momentarily, but it still has to be dealt with, and dealing with it takes time. Grief isn’t something that you can “solve.” It will take time for you and your children to heal, and sooner or later, you’ll have to find the time.
In addition to their daily needs, children will look to you to help navigate their grief. A child who feels his or her needs are ignored because of the loss of a loved one, may not have the maturity to be understanding. Be compassionate, caring, attentive and vigilant. And amid all those conflicting demands and responsibilities, try to take time for yourself.
***
A grieving parent will have many responsibilities to deal with, including the grief of their children.