May 27, 2023
“Some sayings common to the various 12-step programs may be helpful in passing through the grief stages of recovery. Sayings such as “This too shall pass,” “Trust the process” and “One day at a time” have their roots in the hope that has been passed on to recovering addicts and their loved by others who have been down the same road.”
– Robert Weiss, LCSW, CAS
Sometimes our pain is so great when we are grieving that we look for strength in behavior and habits that can harm us when we’re the most vulnerable. Alcohol, junk food, drugs, sex, nicotine, shopping and gambling are merely distractions that will never help you escape your pain. Many have tried and many have failed.
For some people, the pain of grief is so intense and unbearable that they turn to negative behavior to make it through, but they run the risk of becoming addicted. Or if you are addicted or in recovery, the risk you face is even worse. If you are in recovery, you already know the danger that you face by returning to your habit so you have to be particularly vigilant and stay close to your program.
When we resort to negative behavior, we only temporarily numb our pain. There is a saying in grief groups that “Women cry and men have another scotch.”
People in recovery have a saying for those who are confronting a tragedy in their lives. It is advice that’s not easy to take, but it’s necessary: “Sometimes you just have to stand there and hurt.” It takes tremendous courage to face the pain, and we can learn the path from those in the recovery.
Booze, drugs and gambling can be temptations to run away from the pain of grief, but they never work. They only make it worse. For those already in recovery, the path is a clear one:
Stick with the program and stay active.
Share your pain with others.
Make sure you are involved in a support group.
Don’t withdraw from the world.
Relapsing will only make the grieving process longer and contribute to the health and emotional challenges you’re already facing.
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Do not try to ease the pain of grief with negative behavior. It doesn’t work.