May 25, 2023
“It is only in solitude that I ever find my own core.”
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh
When someone asked Darlene how she was doing several months after her husband died from a long illness, she paused for a moment and then responded, “I just come home to the dog now.”
Being alone is a large part of loss, especially after the death of a spouse. Sometimes we think it might be easier to surround ourselves with as many people as possible to escape the pain, but you’ve heard the common expression that you can be lonely even in a crowd. It’s true.
While it’s important to have a caring and compassionate friend to talk to on our journey to healing, it’s also important not to fear being alone because during those moments, grief counselors say, you will encounter the greatest challenge and the greatest opportunity.
“The New Day Journal: A Journey from Grief to Healing,” which the Catholic Cemeteries bereavement program of the Diocese of Bridgeport uses, says this: “Choose to be alone. If we could use those times of aloneness to aid the healing process, the healing might come sooner, because being alone can allow us to experience the pain and sort out the buried emotions without distraction. Being alone provides the opportunity — and the challenge — to distinguish the important from the trivial, the valuable from the worthless.”
Turn off your television, shut off your phone, and instead of looking for distractions, be alone.
***
Sometimes the thing we fear the most in our bereavement brings the greatest benefit.