The Healing Journey

June 20, 2024

“Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.”
— Ambrose Bierce

There are some things we wish we didn’t have to deal with while we’re grieving, such as last wills and testaments. Every family has its horror stories about the enmity that erupted over a will. Someone got too much, someone got too little, someone got nothing. The possibilities are endless. And all this wrangling and rancor detracts from the important thing you should be doing — grieving.

Mike still recalls how his older brother died suddenly, two weeks before his divorce was to be finalized, and his estranged wife got everything. Months later, the kids were still contesting the will in court.

And the number of parents who use their wills as a way to get back at their errant children is legendary. How many times have you heard the ominous threat, “I’m taking you out of my will?”

When it comes to wills, it sometimes seems nothing goes as planned, and the drama of settling an estate can overshadow the importance of your healing journey.

There’s also the time-consuming task of cleaning out personal effects and quarreling with siblings or spouses over who gets to keep a memento, a collection, a family heirloom … and who has to clean out the debris that has accumulated. Yes, it’s a lot of additional work piled on top of the emotional work that you have to do.

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Working through an estate can cause outer and inner turmoil. Don’t be surprised if your grieving is on hold until the legal and financial issues are settled.