The Healing Journey

June 15, 2024

‘As we prepare for this’ Father’s Day, we remember with great compassion all the fathers who have lost a precious child and who silently carry unimaginable pain every day in their hearts. We hope that sometime today, they will feel the strength of our prayers for them.

Author Patrick O’Hearn recently wrote about his personal agony at the loss of two children, Angelica Rose and Thomas John, who were lost as a result of miscarriages. It is a pain shared by countless other fathers. He and two other men wrote “The Grief of Dads: Support and Hope for Catholic Fathers Navigating Child Loss,” published by Ave Maria Press. Here are some excerpts from his article in Crisis Magazine:

“Although many pro-life organizations abound in the Catholic Church, few focus on child loss. And no pre-Cana classes prepare you for, let alone mention, the cross of child loss. In fairness, most celibate priests have never lost a child, so they don’t know that pain personally. Without much support, where do fathers of child loss turn? After all, fathers are supposed to be the strong ones, or so they say. The one whose shoulder his wife cries upon. The one who seems unfazed by suffering as he hides his pain from others because few will understand.

“But whose shoulder does he cry upon? Most fathers do not wish to burden their wives with their sorrows because their wife’s grief seems even greater…. Child loss is one of the greatest threats to marriage; some estimates say that a couple is 80 percent more likely to have a divorce following the death of a child. Regardless of the exact percentage, any married couple who loses a child will never have the same marriage because the fruit of their womb is gone—though not forever. At the same time, losing a child can lead a couple to question and abandon their faith…

“Make no mistake, child loss is the heaviest cross any couple will experience in their marriage. To bury a child at any age is something no parent should have to do. But sometimes, God permits it. Even many married saints lost a child, sometimes several. No one is untouched by loss…

“I can testify full-heartedly that losing a child hits spiritually, emotionally and physically. Just as certain sacraments confer an indelible mark on the soul, losing a child at any age leaves an invisible wound in a father’s or mother’s heart.”

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