The Healing Journey

May 23, 2024

“Even if you have lots of people around you, grief can still make you feel lonely.”
— Cruse Bereavement Support

Have you ever heard the phrase, “lost in the crowd”? It can happen to you.

After C.S. Lewis lost his wife Joy, he described his pain in the book “A Grief Observed,” which delves into the many contradictory and confusing responses we have to the death of someone we love. At one point, he considered the company of others and concluded that while he wanted to be around them, he didn’t really want to deal with them.

“If only they would talk to one another and not to me,” he wrote.

This is another paradox of the healing process. You must spend time alone to sort through your emotions, your memories and your pain. And yet, you don’t want to detach yourself from others because these interactions will help you along your healing journey.

Of course, you will prefer the company of some people more than others. But isn’t that always the way in life? You will probably also discover that the well-wishers and advice offerers are the ones you want to avoid the most because responses like, “This too shall pass” and “You’ll get through this,” while well-intentioned, are not what you want to hear.

A compassionate friend who is willing to listen to your story — sometimes over and over again — is one of the greatest forces for healing. A compassionate friend who is willing to share his or her own experience and how they navigated through their grief is invaluable. These exchanges will give you hope and also help you realize that the onslaught of raw and confused emotions is to be expected.

***

Find a balance between solitude and social interaction as you set out on your healing journey. You will need both.