The Healing Journey

October 26, 2023

Even people who aren’t suffering from the loss of a loved one can be haunted by regret. “Why didn’t I pursue a career in art?” “If only I had married her, my life would have been different.” “We should have moved out of the city long ago, but now it’s too late.” “How could I have stayed married so long to someone with a drinking problem?

Should of, could of, would of … it’s a common litany of phrases to express our personal disappointment and remorse. There probably isn’t a person on the planet who doesn’t wish they had done things differently. But the truth is there’s no certainty that doing things differently would have produced any better results.

Face and recognize decisions you made in your life that you now regret, especially when it comes to a death of someone you loved. Death seems to amplify regret so much that it can become unbearable and lead to anger, sorrow, and bitterness.

“Why didn’t I do this?” “Why didn’t I do that?” Or equally taunting, “Why didn’t she do this?” Or “Why didn’t he do that?” Accept that you cannot change the past, but you can use your experience to make different choices in the future. Acceptance is not always easy, but it is always necessary to bring about healing.

Since it was published 60 years ago, a 24-page booklet titled “Acceptance” has helped millions of people.

The author Vincent Collins wrote: “Blaming everybody, self-pity and the rest have but one result: They make everybody including ourselves more miserable and add to our difficulties without solving them….If you are desperate enough, you’ll try anything. So try something that works — try acceptance.” Also known as “surrendering,” it is “the only real source of tranquility, serenity and peace.”

He also encourages those of us hampered by self-accusations, criticism and regrets to pray the Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

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