The Healing Journey

October 3,  2025

A Light in My Darkest Hour

By Paul E. Tupper

In 2018 our lives seemed perfect. I had a good job, and we had recently moved into our dream house overlooking the water. Our son Paul was off to a good start in his career. We were healthy and happy. Then, in September, my wife Jean was diagnosed with cancer. In an instant, our entire world was turned upside down.

We, particularly Jean, never lost faith. We prayed constantly, asking God to take away the cancer. However, it was not God’s will for Jean to be cured, and she passed away in August 2019.

In the days after Jean’s death, I lived my life in a complete fog, unable process the fact that she was gone and that I would never be with her again during my time on Earth. And, I could not suppress the memories of the moment she died – even though Jean passed very peacefully from this life to the next, the images haunted me.

Exactly one week after Jean died, I arrived home in the evening. It was my first time alone at home after her death. As it approached 10 p.m. (the hour that Jean had passed), I became extremely apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to get through that hour. The feeling continued to get stronger as the clock progressed. My heart was pounding. I didn’t want to be alone in the house, but I didn’t know where to go. Then, just a few minutes before the top of the hour, I felt the Blessed Mother say to me, “Why don’t you go outside on the deck and say a Rosary?”

Jean had a particular devotion to Mary, and we prayed to her often. We occasionally said our prayers together on the deck; it was private and quiet, with a beautiful view. I went to the deck and did just as Mary suggested. I got lost in prayer, and when I was done, I realized it was almost 11. That awful hour had passed. I felt at peace. It was the first indication that I was going to get through this – with God’s help. I knew it would be tough and take a long time, but during the most difficult days, my thoughts returned to that night, and I was always reassured.

In fact, it was really tough — especially during the first year. But just as Mary spoke to me on that night, God gently nudged me toward him as the months went by. Over time, His constant presence pulled me toward Him, and I got through the grief. While I still miss Jean, I am happy for her — I know she’s in Heaven. Moreover, because God reached out to me at the time of my greatest need, I am closer to Him now, and I know one thing for certain: God will never abandon us when we turn to Him.

(Paul E. Tupper of Milford is author of “Perfect Moments With God,” which is available on Amazon. He grew up in Greenwich. His father Paul was a deacon in the Diocese of Bridgeport, and his mother Aurora was the Director of Religious Education in their parish. Most of his career was with a major public accounting firm in New York City. In response to a call from God, he began writing spiritual reflections.)

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