The Healing Journey

August 16, 2025

“I found you in my heart…”

You could hear the leaves rustling that Saturday afternoon when they gathered at Orange Cemetery as cumulus clouds hung on the horizon beneath a sky of blue. You could feel the end of summer in the air.

It was two decades ago that one of Sandy’s closest friends died after years of suffering from diabetes. Then, it was over, 73 years of life that they tried to summarize, however inadequately, in a few paragraphs of an obituary, which could never capture his true accomplishments and the people he touched.

It said Deacon Bernie, 73, passed away at Yale New Haven Hospital. It spoke of his beloved wife Mary, his parents and his children.

He worked as Information Technology Director at Yale University for 33 years. He was a pioneer in his field, serving as project manager for Yale University’s first computer-based accounting systems.

At the Mass, his granddaughter read a poem that said, “When I was young, I used to pray that we would never part, but now I know we haven’t. I found you in my heart…”

His son Danny wrote, “With a kind warm smile, soft touch and love in your eyes … To our dear loving father, we say our final goodbyes.”

His brother Tommy stood up and looked at the priest and then the assembled crowd and captured the sorrow of everyone in a few words, “My brother loved his family and friends. He loved them a lot. I miss my brother.”

Among the tributes were recollections from women who had attended Rachel’s Vineyard retreats for those who had abortions or been touched by one.

At that time in their lives, they felt despair and thought that even God had abandoned them. But they went to the retreats, where they met Bernie, who counseled them and consoled them and, most important of all, helped them believe God had never abandoned them, that despite their abortions, He still loved them with a love that was infinite and unconditional.

Isn’t that, after all, the greatest thing that any of us can do? Share the love of God with another person, particularly someone who feels despair and rejection and thinks God can never forgive what they’ve done?

A trio of soldiers raised their rifles and fired; the shell casings ejected, and then they fired again and again. A bugler played Taps, and the soldiers folded the flag on the coffin and handed it to Bernie’s widow in recognition of his service during the Korean War and the appreciation of the President of the United States.

Sandy looked at the casket, the flowers, the coffin, the many family members and friends who had gathered, and realized: Bernie served his country. He served his God. He served his family. He served his friends. What more is there to a life well-lived?
©J Pisani

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