The Healing Journey

March 28, 2025

‘I didn’t want anyone to know I was crying’

For so long after the death of my wife, I failed to see any grace in my life or in the world. This was due mostly to my keeping my hands over my eyes because I did not want anyone to know I had been crying, also I was pretty much out of my mind with grief.

It’s been little over two years since Ruth died, and while still incredibly painful, I can see how I have been almost magically carried through these past two years. As time unfolds, the universe (God?) has provided a profound amount of grace. This manifests primarily in the form of random people, doing random and above random things that have made my life livable again. This runs the gambit from Herculean tasks, such as moving and navigating the bureaucratic madness of postmortem paperwork, to the simplest and most seemingly innocuous gestures, such as a phone call or hug provided at the very right moment I needed it. It has appeared as arbitrary “hellos” or “good mornings” from strangers.

Having compared notes with others bearing similar crosses, this experience is not unique to me. These are all tangible reminders that in spite of Ruth’s absence, I am still alive, and even have a life worth living. Life goes on, and I am part of life.

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