The Healing Journey

February 22, 2025

When Lenny’s sponsor picked him up at his house to drive to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, it was clear that something was seriously wrong. He got into the car, muttered a hello and sat there for the next five minutes without saying a word. His sponsor, Jeff, didn’t want to pry but finally figured the best thing to do was to ask an open-ended question: “So how’ve you been?” And the floodgates opened into a ten-minute diatribe about his wife, complaining about everything imaginable. Her lack of appreciation that he was sober, her insistence that he had a short fuse, her insensitivity to all the stress he was under, and more. It was a long list, and he culminated by saying, “I know I’m right.” Of course, it was apparent to Jeff that Lenny needed a meeting and needed one badly. And just as Lenny was about to start Round Two, the sponsor asked, “How important is it for you to be right?” Lenny’s response was immediate, “Very important.” So Jeff asked again, “How important is it for you to be right?” And there was silence in the car.

That’s an important question for all of us to ask ourselves regularly because it’s even possible for us to hold a resentment against someone who has died. Resentments are insidious, and we cling to them in our self-righteousness even when it makes no sense to keep them. They’re self-destructive and prevent us from reconciling with someone who’s alive … and with someone who’s dead.

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Once you realize being right isn’t the most important thing in the world, you will be ready to reconcile.
©J Pisani