The Healing Journey

January 21, 2025

“And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn’t seem worth starting anything. I can’t settle down. I yawn, fidget, I smoke too much. Up until this, I always had too little time. Now there is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness.”
— C.S. Lewis from “A Grief Observed” 

Grief can lead to fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of what lies ahead and the sensation that your small boat will crash into the rocks that line the shore. So many uncertainties, so many anxieties, so many fears. With the death of a loved one, the foundations of your life are shaken, especially if the death was unexpected or traumatic, because we like to believe that life — and death — are governed by principles and certainties. Without them, anything could go wrong and usually does. 

Sometimes you may even find yourself asking, “What’s the point?” especially if your husband or wife died and you had envisioned spending the future with them, as was the case with C.S. Lewis when his wife died of cancer. 

Depending on the circumstances, grief can sap us of our sense of purpose and our hope, which are two spiritual necessities in life. In addition, the loss of a loved one on whom we depended confronts us with the disarming reality that we have to go on alone … and change. Of course, change is never easy. 

These circumstances point to two undeniable truths about the healing journey. You can’t stand still and you can’t rush it. And sometimes you can do nothing, except stand there and hurt. But even that is an important activity that everyone who confronts a loss must endure. Eventually, you will find your path. Don’t expect to have all the answers at first because you won’t. That’s why it’s a journey.

©Joseph Pisani

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