October 2, 2024
The following is an excerpt from Rev. Timothy Keller’s book, “Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering.” It was written by Kendra, whose son was stillborn.
“John Wilson was born peacefully the next morning. As we held his lifeless body, a torrent of emotion overcame us. The news of new life has a mysterious power that leads us into hope, and we find ourselves dreaming of the future we will know with our child as they grow. We wept for the loss of this dream. As we commended him to God’s keeping, I felt God’s arms tenderly encircling us, joining us in our sorrow. Our dear friends and our church community planned a beautiful memorial service, and we began the process of letting go of the vision we had for our family.
“The days following were profoundly dark and empty. I couldn’t sleep—or even breathe, it seemed. I felt so very tender and limp. I’m a psychotherapist. . . . I know the stages of grief intellectually. But now here I was experiencing them firsthand. . . . Words to describe the feelings don’t seem adequate. I believed that God could handle my emotions and I wasn’t afraid to express them to him . . . often. There were moments of anger, but more often I felt anguish, despair, jealousy, bitterness, and profound sorrow. But somehow, in the midst of the range of emotions I felt daily, a strong and powerful peace found its way into my heart and brought comfort. I felt God’s presence deeply, and slowly began the process of learning that, although He allows tragedies to befall us, he will not abandon us, nor deny us an intimate and life-giving relationship with him. My relationship with him was growing in new ways and becoming more real. He was drawing me closer to him through each painful question and doubt. He was truly IN this dark place with us….
“Like most of you reading this, we feel sure we would NEVER have chosen to endure the fiery furnace of having a stillborn baby. However, we have been able to recognize the rich gifts we would never have received had we not been through this fire. … In the days after losing our son, a friend told me that we would always “walk with a limp” from then on. Although our scars are not physical, the pain has left a mark on our hearts. But I like to think of these scars as unique marks of beauty and depth…”
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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
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