The Healing Journey

December 29, 2023

When Dave’s wife died, Bob asked him if he could help. He was willing to do whatever needed to be done, but Dave said he had everything under control. At least he thought he did. But he didn’t, and he would never ever admit that. Maybe it was a guy thing.

Anyway, from time to time, Bob would send another email with an open-ended question like, “Need anything?” “Can I take you to lunch?” “I know someone who can help you navigate your grief if you’re interested.”

Predictably the answer was always no, but Bob, partly out of habit and partly out of a sense of commitment couldn’t stop asking. And still the answer was no.

It reached a point where all the refusals seemed to turn into rebuffs to Bob and he had to admit to himself that it hurt a little. So he stopped asking. And a curious thing happened. Dave started emailing Bob, not about anything in particular.

First he sent a link to a story that talked about his hometown in Texas. Then, he sent an email about a hassle he was having with his medical insurance. Then, he reached out to ask about contact information for a town department. And the regular emails continued.

Bob finally put two and two together and realized that even though Dave said he never needed anything, there was one thing that he did need … companionship. His life got awfully lonely after his wife died. It’s the same for all of us. If we don’t want to admit we need help, at least keep the door open for someone to be kind for us and be a companion on our healing journey.

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