The Healing Journey

December 21, 2023

Sandy and Joe had been married only four months, and she was three months pregnant when Christmas rolled around. They were so excited about their first Christmas together in a new apartment that they cut down a large pine at the tree farm and had a new stereo system installed so they could listen to Christmas music together at night, lying on the sofa.

Then, a week before Christmas, she started seeing small amounts of blood. The doctor said it was normal. But the blood continued, so she returned to him, and he immediately sent her to the hospital, where she had a miscarriage a week before Christmas. Their new life got turned upside down.

She was devastated. Their hopes of having a child ended so tragically. In that short time, she had become attached to the baby developing inside her, who she was sure was a little girl. But now, the dreams were gone…and it was Christmas.

Everyone tried to console them with assurances they could try again. A lot of women have miscarriages, they were told. And even though Sandy was sad now, in six months, things will be different, friends said. None of their good intentions helped.

At a loss to lift her spirits, Joe went out and bought her a ficus tree that they put under the skylight in the stairway, where it stayed throughout the holiday as a simple reminder of what might have been.

When she watered that ficus tree recently, it brought back so many memories of that first Christmas. Now, it is in an upstairs room of their home. This same tree traveled with them from Derby to St. Petersburg, Florida, to Long Island, NY, and back to Connecticut over 45 years. She thought of the child they lost and her two other miscarriages, she thought of the four daughters they had, and she realized life is a strange and wonderful and sometimes painful adventure.

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