August 19, 2023
“I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it’ or not. I hate if they do, and if they don’t.”
— C.S. Lewis
When you lose someone you love, you quickly realize that in addition to your personal pain, you’ll have to confront the awkwardness your friends and associates feel. Many people are uncomfortable talking about death and even more uncomfortable expressing their condolences. It’s just not something they can do. This does not mean they don’t feel for your loss, but rather that expressing it is extremely difficult for them.
Like author C.S. Lewis who lost his wife, Joy, you will begin to feel as uneasy as they do … because of their uneasiness. You may even want them to turn down another street so you can avoid them — until you realize they may be trying to avoid you.
These conflicting emotions are natural. You may even find yourself frustrated, wondering why you have this additional challenge to contend with.
However, every so often, someone who truly understands your pain will come along, and that person may be someone like you, whose life has also been turned upside down by a loss. Consider yourselves companions on the same healing journey, which everyone must make in life. Consider it a blessing that despite the pain you’re suffering, you are not alone. In many ways, your experience with deep sorrow may one day allow you to support another person whose life has been torn apart.
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The awkwardness people display over your loss is unfortunate but natural. It doesn’t mean they don’t care.
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