June 28, 2023
“Your body cannot heal without play.
Your mind cannot heal without laughter.
Your soul cannot heal without joy.”
– Catherine Rippenger Fenwick
In your journey to healing, you will eventually find yourself laughing, but the experience may not be a pleasant one. Instead of feeling joy, you may feel something entirely different — guilt.
Carolyn Killian, Director of Bereavement for the Diocese of Bridgeport, has seen it time and again among people who go on retreats or enroll for bereavement programs. For months, they feel oppressed by despair and depression, and then suddenly, for reasons they can’t entirely explain, they laugh for the first time in a long time. This experience is almost immediately followed by shock and guilt and the disturbing realization: “Oh, my God, my wife died and I’m laughing.” Or “My father passed away and now I’m laughing. How could I do that?”
You may feel disturbing self-criticism and think you did something wrong, something entirely inappropriate, and something shameful for a person who is mourning.
Laughter may not make you feel good, but it should. You see, grief causes a mixed bag of emotions, many of them conflicting and many of them irrational. Throughout your healing journey, which can last months or years, you should welcome laughter because it has the power to heal.
There will still be occasions when you will cry, so savor those intermittent occasions when you laugh and when you smile because they’re indications that you’re on the right path, the path that leads to healing.
Writing in “Psychology Today,” Marilyn A. Mendoza Ph.D said: “Humor is important during the time of grieving. When we are in the depths of despair over the loss of our loved one, it is hard to think that we will ever smile again, let alone laugh. One of the tasks of grieving is to learn to laugh again.”
A study by the University of Berkeley found that “widows and widowers who could smile and laugh when remembering a loved one experienced less anxiety and depression at six, 12, and 24 months.”
***
Welcome opportunities to laugh. They will help you through the dark times.
Sign Up for Healing Journey Messages
Receive a daily message to your email address.