June 16, 2023
“Love is not all hearts, butterflies in the stomach and smiling couple selfies. Love is not just a fantasy land. I believe that couples in a long-term relationship will one day surely hit the unromantic milestone and that’s when little things start to matter more than ever before.”
– Jyoti Patel
Years after her husband Dan died, Lillian would still complain about how he “drove her crazy.” It was no secret while he was alive, and it was no secret after he died. The other thing that was no secret was she loved him dearly and her life fell apart after he was gone.
For his part, Dan had often said, “She’d give an aspirin a headache.”
True love is accepting imperfection, true love isn’t pretending everything is perfect.
Lillian still recalled the time they both went to confession. Dan went in first. A few moments later, she was mortified to hear him telling the priest, “Ahhh, I don’t have any sins … my wife just drives me crazy.”
She was standing outside the confessional, absolutely mortified. She wanted to get out of line, but she didn’t move because she was afraid the other people would figure out the man behind the curtain was talking about her.
Now that he was gone, she never hesitated to tell people, “Oh, he drove me crazy.” But she occasionally conceded that she — on rare occasions — drove him crazy too.
It’s OK to complain about your spouse, even after they die, especially if you complained about him or her before they died. You can also be sure that your spouse is looking down at you in those moments and smiling with love.
Just because we’re grieving doesn’t mean we have to stop telling the truth about someone we love — the good, the bad and everything in between. Don’t sugarcoat your memories.
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Love is never simple or easy, but it’s love, and that counts for a lot.