June 6, 2023
“I was very fortunate to play sports. All the anger in me went out. I had to do what I had to do. If you stay angry all the time, then you really don’t have a good life.”
– Willie Mays
We live in an angry world and some of us are naturally angry people, who have railed against The System throughout our lives. Other people are angry after they read the morning headlines. And then, there is the anger that comes when someone we love dies.
We may blame The System again — the healthcare system. Or maybe the justice system or our family members or the person who died, for not taking care of themselves. And don’t forget God, who is the cosmic force behind life and death.
If we’re prone to anger, there are a lot of places we can point our finger to lay the blame, including ourselves. We can spend the rest of our lives with self-incrimination, pondering what “I should have done or I could have done but didn’t do.” You may think that someday you’ll get over it, or you may never want to get over it.
Whether your allegations are true or not, one thing is very clear: Anger is divisive and destructive. Worst of all, it’s self-destructive. Many people turn to therapy to help exorcise their angry feelings, others live with them because they believe they are justified. While anger is a natural response when someone we love dies, the truth is that you can’t live with anger forever because it can cripple you emotionally and spiritually.
All you have to do is Google “Is anger harmful?” In seconds, there will be 83,000,000 results, which will tell you all the ways anger can ruin your life.
On your healing journey, accept that anger is a stage in the process, but don’t let it overcome you. You don’t want anger as your traveling companion because it will lead you off the path and take you where you shouldn’t go. And always remember that even justified anger can be harmful.
Write down the reasons for your anger in your grief journal. Be aware of them.
Talk about your anger with a trusted friend. We can seldom overcome anger by ourselves, but with God, all things are possible. So ask him to help you find a way to resolve this anger.
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Anger is a natural stage on your healing journey, but you’re not meant to stay there. You’re meant to move on.