September 19, 2026
“A Jewish tradition many people find comforting is putting a stone on the place where a family member, friend or anyone is buried in a cemetery,” says Stephen P. Herman, M.D. “The act says, ‘I was here; I am part of the mystery. It’s ok.’”
The custom is believed to date back to ancient times and symbolizes that the deceased person is not forgotten. And that memories and love, like stones, endure. The selection of the stone also has deep meaning. It might be taken from a place the deceased person loved to visit or a pretty stone that has special meaning.
The Hebrew word for “pebble” is “tz’ror,” which can also mean “bond” and it is included in the phrase “to bind” found in the El Maleh Rahamim prayer. Therefore, leaving a stone on the grave says much more than “I was here.” It symbolizes the everlasting bond we have with those we have lost.
(Stephen P. Herman, M.D. is Board Certified in Adult Psychiatry, Pediatrics, Child Psychiatry and Forensic Psychiatry. His postgraduate education included attending the Mayo Clinic and the Yale Child Study Center. As a forensic psychiatrist for more than four decades, he performed various evaluations where the law and psychiatry interfaced.)
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