The Healing Journey

May 17, 2026

“If I close my eyes, I see your face
And I’m not without you.”
— Lou Reed

I will take you with me to see the flowers bloom

By Michael Shea

Sometimes the anniversary of your passing slips by without me noticing. There is a guilt that comes with that, which I still can’t quite figure out, the guilt of forgetting to be miserable.

A therapist told me that “All is fair in love and loss,” and that it is “All part of the process.” Then, there are years like this one, where I feel every moment of every day in the month of your departure. You are gone but you are still with me. I take you with me through my day to show you not just how lackluster the daily grind is without you, but also to show you people, places and things you love and enjoy.

I intentionally try to avoid past tense when it comes to you and your absence. I still like to talk with you at night, at bedtime, not every night but many. The comfort of our connection was not contingent upon your physical presence.

This anniversary is going to happen whether I notice or not. The plan is to keep you close until I am safely though it. April will always be surreal and cruel, but cliche as it may be, the April Showers are the precursor to May Flowers and when they bloom, I will take you with me to see them.
©Michael Shea

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