The Healing Journey

May 2, 2024

Speaking about forgiveness, Benedictine nun and author Joan Chittister says:

“When we don’t face our faults, our problems, our weakness, our angers, our sense of inadequacy — worse, when we blame them on others, or deny them, or need to be perfect, or become defensive — we refuse to accept ourselves. Every doctor and psychologist in the country sees the effect of that in their offices every day.”

“We all have things we need to forgive in ourselves. We have things we know we ought to ask forgiveness for from someone else, but pride and stubbornness hold us back. These things become a barrier between us and the community, a hot stone in the pit of the stomach, a block to real happiness. And nothing is going to get better until we face them.”

“Forgiveness occurs when we don’t need to hold a grudge anymore: when we are strong enough to be independent of whatever, whoever it was that so ruthlessly uncovered the need in us. Forgiveness is not the problem; it’s living till it comes that taxes all the strength we have.”

When we’re grieving, forgiveness may be the last thing we think about, when it should be the first. We may not immediately realize forgiveness is what we need because we’re too busy dealing with the shock of what happened and the fear of what might happen. However, we may be angry with the person who died because they died. Or because they didn’t take medical advice or live a healthier life or because they betrayed us. The possibilities are endless and may not be immediately obvious. In addition, we may need to forgive ourselves because we betrayed the person who died, we neglected them or we didn’t care for them as much as we should have.

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Your healing journey will lead you to serious introspection, where you’re honest with yourself about the times you should have forgiven and didn’t … or the occasions that require you to forgive yourself for being less than perfect.